Contrary to popular belief, being married is not boring. It’s the exact opposite in fact. You don’t go from being a fun and exciting couple…
…to being an old dull and married couple just because you get married!
That happens because you have kids.
Just kidding. But seriously, people always talk about how marriage changes nothing but your name. In my opinion, this couldn’t be further from the truth. I will admit that I agree that marriage does not make a bad relationship better. If the relationship was bad before, being married won’t fix that. In fact, it may make it worse. But, if the relationship was great before marriage, there is no reason why it can’t be even better after.
It is like buying a house, and not just any house, but your dream home. You can love the house while in escrow (like the dating process), but sometimes, issues may arise and cause the escrow process to fall through (the break up). But when things go well, you can move forward and sign the paperwork (marriage certificate), and get the keys (the ring).
Congratulations! Now you’ve got it for life…hopefully. You’ve got the security of knowing that you will always have shelter (love), but it won’t last without work and effort. You don’t just get the keys, move in and call it a day for the rest of your life. Ask any homeowner, owning a house is a never ending list of projects, some that you anticipated and look forward to tackling, and some that are unforeseen and you never know is an issue until it randomly presents itself one day. Like mold behind a shower. Or, from a relationship perspective, having to work through insecurity issues, bad habits that weren’t present when dating, complacency, and being selfish
These issues can be a huge problem, but it can also be fixed. It’s an investment of money and/or time, but you figure it out and get it fixed, or you do your best to patch it up until it can be properly fixed. Marriage is no different. Marriage is the home that you and your spouse build to house your love for one another. It may leak during the storms from time to time, but it’s nothing that can’t be fixed if you want it to be.
One aspect of my relationship that I love so much is how much my husband and I flirt with one another, and I love that this didn’t stop just because we got married, and especially after we had kids. My husband and I flirt with each other just as much now as we did when we were dating, if not more. We flirt via phone, text, messenger…you name it, all day, every day. We don’t get to go out on dates as often as we’d like, so we plan mini dates every night. We look forward to the kids going to sleep so we can stay up and have adult time, watch our shows together, sit out on the front porch sip wine and chat, listen to music, search the internet together…it doesn’t really matter what we do, as long as we do it together. Dating after marriage is so important. Unless one of us has plans and the other is watching the kids, this is our plan every night. Granted, it doesn’t always happen. Whether watching the kids or going to work, we are both exhausted by the end of the day and sometimes, we pass out with the kids when putting them to sleep. This doesn’t change the fact that throughout the day, we have the mini date at night to look forward to, even if it doesn’t happen. The fact that we both want it to happen is often enough. We don’t just want it to happen, we need it to happen. We need the adult time and conversation without being interrupted by our little people who are still learning that just saying excuse me isn’t enough, they still have to wait their turn.
It is said that taste buds change every 7 years, and things you didn’t like before can suddenly become appetizing. The same is true for people. You can’t take two individuals who were in motion before marriage and expect them to just stop growing as individuals because they got married. That’s absurd. When it comes to our kids and family life, my husband and I are one, but we are also individuals who still have goals and aspirations, ultimately with the same goals of bettering ourselves and our family. Our likes and preferences change, our desires and interest change, our style and looks can change. The only constant in life is change, and with people, this is especially prevalent. That being said, I completely understand when people say…”He/She just changed out of the blue, and I don’t even know who I’m married to any more”, or “We just grew apart and fell out of love”. I never understood that before, but It all makes sense now that I am in it. I have changed so much since getting married. Having kids threw me for a loop and I had to figure out who I was independent of my kids and husband. It was a true life identity crisis. Everything from head to toe would change from month to month. My hair, my clothing style, you name it. And my family went on this journey with me as I figured it out. My husband remained supportive of every change and loved and encouraged me along the way. he didn’t understand it, but because we are so open with each other, I was able to tell him that I was trying to figure myself out, and that was enough for him. Likewise, my husband is also figuring himself out. He also struggles with his physical appearance as I do. We look at each other and see love, but when we look in the mirror at ourselves, we see room for improvement. These are real and serious issues that could be very impactful on our relations ship if we weren’t such a great support for each other. But, because we are, these changes, though interesting and sometimes pricey, have made for one fun journey, and we are just getting started.
Making it a point to put each other first in our relationship (after God of course) has made our home and family life so much better. We are happier more often than not, which means our children are happier more often than not. Our home is full of laughter and fun. We appreciate each other for the effort we put in and the sacrifices we make. We are who we are, and we don’t try to change each other. Things aren’t always perfect, we have sprung a leak here and there, and some required patching until a permanent fix could be found, but that’s what’s expected. That’s what we signed up for. We repair our house of love with the strongest materials possible because we are both invested for the long haul.
Marriage is forever and forever can seem like a long time. But, when you are with someone who you are excited about being with, forever doesn’t seem long enough.
Enjoy every moment, and not just with your kids.
What are you waiting for? Get to flirting & Flirt often!
The P.I. Mom