Express yourself!

My husband told me that while we were in the hospital with one of our three children, a nurse told him that as a child gets older, the way their mothers breastmilk taste will change for them. I believe this happened for my youngest today.

My whole house has been sick from a virus that my oldest brought home from school. Usually when under the weather, my milk production can be low. But, that wasn’t the case this time. This time, my production seemed to have gone in to overdrive and, simultaneously, my son seemed to have lost interest…yay me.

bored yay

It was a tough and painful day. I could feel my breast getting fuller, but every time I went to feed him, he would just turn away. I thought I would be relieved when he and I would finally be done with nuring, but this was not the plan. My plan was to go until he was 16 months, not 14. I had also planned to have some control over the situation, not have it forced upon me as a result of a one way decison. But, it seemed he had made up his mind, every time I tried to nurse him only to be turned away, I felt defeated. Finding myself in this situation gave me a glimpse into how moms who are unable to nurse but wanted to must feel and, in that moment, my heart went out to them.

Nursing is such an involved process. There are so many things that we moms cannot do when we are nursing and so many things we cannot wait to do when we are done nursing, and yet I was saddened by the fact that I was possibly nearing the end of my nursing era. Having been pregnant and or nursing for the past 5 years has almot become a way of life, and with my little guy’s attempting to abruptly stop, was a bit heartbreaking.

Thankfully, he ended up nursing to sleep because after going all day without nursing or pumping, this mom was in pain. As bed time nearded and he continued to appear disinterested, I had no choice but to express myself. I was in so much pain.


My point is that I never gave much thought to the mental preparation that would be necessary when planning to finally stop nursing. I thought when the end finally neared I would be overjoyed, but instead I am surprisingly a bit sad. Alas, my little guy does not care too much for my thoughts on the matter. He appears to have made up his mind, and continues to drink a little less as time goes on which means that I find myself having to express myself more often.

Watching these little ones grow is beautiful with a little heartbreak mixed in. Everytime my youngest outgrows a phase I find myself missing what was. I’ve become the mom that looks at others babies with a hint of baby fever, but not enough to commit to trying for another one. I’m excited for what lies ahead, but definitely taking the time to enjoy every single moment in the present, especially those that I never considered before.

Don’t take any moment for granted. Time flies by so fast.

The P.I. Mom

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