I’ve talked lots about making it a point to get back to feeling more like myself. I have called it my journey back to me, and I have shared some of my experiences via my blog. I wanted to take some time to discuss the flip side to me time, and why it is so important.
“We Time” or family time as it is more often referred, is (in my opinion) more important than “Me time”.
Yes, you heard right. I said that WE time is more important than ME time, at least when you are a parent that is. I have talked lots about the importance of rediscovering myself after becoming a wife and a mom, and I have meant every word. Being a parent is tiring, draining, and downright exhausting. I have never been so tired or had so many grey hairs in my life! On the flip side, being a parent is fun-filled, exciting, and by far the most fulfilling opportunity I have ever had in my life. That being said, my ongoing personal soul-searching and/or quest to rediscover myself is not and will never be at the expense of my time with my family. I love hanging with my family. We’re tight like The Goldbergs.
My quest to rediscover myself was because I felt like there was an internal conflict between the single carefree me and the married with children and responsibilities me. While my husband is awesome, I sometimes felt like I was making the sacrifices by constantly having to spend all my free time with the kids, while he was able to still go out and meet up with his friends wasn’t fair, but someone had to feed the kiddos. Feeling this way made me feel horrible. I had wanted and waited to be a mom my whole life, and here I was complaining and conflicted. I needed time, everyone said I needed time. But I didn’t know what for. Almost all of my friends were married with kids like me, and those who weren’t lived out of state. Whatsmore, I didn’t want time away, I wanted to figure out how to just be happy. I had kids because I wanted kids, but I’m actively involved in thier lives because they need me. They need a mom who makes them feel as special and precious as they are, and I want to be that for them.
So, here’s the 3 most important lessons I learned while on this journey:
1. Taking time to identify what made me feel the least like myself and deciding to actively do something about it was the best thing I could have done for myself.
I went from 180 at my heaviest to 147 now. Call it vain, but all of the added baby weight kept me from feeling like myself more than anything else and I am not ashamed to say so. Women had been telling me for years, “…wait until you have kids…” and “you won’t have that body forever…”. To those people I say…
2. Maintaining a close relationship with my husband is so important. Becoming a mom not only lessened me time but also the access I had to my husband. He went from being my favorite pillow to being my girls’ favorite pillow. We went from being able to make love on demand, to getting it in whenever we can. I learned not to complain, but to have fun with this. Sneaking around and being quiet so that we don’t get caught by our kids is fun!
3. I don’t need a lot of me time, just a little bit. I like hanging out with my family doing so much or nothing at all. I like spending the day out running around until we are exhausted, or just cuddling up on the couch spending the day watching movies. I love spending time with my family, but finding and having my own thing ( this blog and my podcast) is good for me too. I don’t need or want to go out all the time, I love being with my family. I love knowing my kids need me because I need them also. I love showing them how much I love and need them. But taking a 1 to 2 hours to do something that I want to do makes me a better mom.
Ultimately, I learned that this journey was never about returning to who I once was, but figuring out who to successfully transition into the woman I was meant to become as a wife, a mom, and always a woman.
The P.I. Mom